


things to work out on your own

by 11paruline44



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:37:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14567193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11paruline44/pseuds/11paruline44
Summary: Both of them tried to block the Force Bond out. But it just kept getting stronger. Post- The Last Jedi. Oneshot. Rotating POV.





	things to work out on your own

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not the biggest Reylo in the world, but I definitely wanted to finish their story, or at least resolve the events of The Last Jedi in a way that made most sense to me. I've been also wondering how to redeem Kylo/Ben in a way that doesn't suggest unhealthy ideas about a woman being able to "fix" a man... my mom, as a survivor of abusive relationships, expressed her caution about that in regard to Reylo after we saw the movie. So, I guess this is my short-version answer.

It was a week until I felt it again.

Not that I was waiting, really. More like a reluctant dread, like maybe I had to convince myself I didn’t want to see him. And that made me hate the idea of it even more.

Perhaps it was because I was alone. I’d been helping the Resistance settle into the new base practically every minute, so that day, I guess I succumbed to the desire to be alone again, to really think. That feeling of separation, of loneliness... even among the friends I’d missed so dearly. Was it a Jedi curse? 

So, there I was, aboard the Falcon, just cleaning. It wasn’t nearly as dirty as when I’d found it, of course, and the hall floor I was scrubbing could have survived just fine without being washed, but I felt like I needed an excuse to be there. I missed Han, just like I missed Luke, and the ship made me feel safe... felt more like a home than anywhere I’d stayed, except my little bunker on Jakku. Was it even still there? I wondered. Did anyone miss me? I doubted it. I felt a knot tie in my stomach. It was an irrational thought, but I wished I knew, with certainty, that my friends missed me as much as I missed... well, everything. Everyone. I brushed the thought away. I was being too self-centered, and I knew it. Thoughts like that led to the dark side of the Force ... and I wanted to avoid thinking about that at all costs. 

And that’s when I felt it. Perfect timing. Not.

I turned my head from where I knelt with my rag to look behind me. He was in one of those sterile, black rooms where he always lurked. Those stupid, shiny, unoriginal black rooms. I scowled, turning my head back to the floor. I scrubbed harder.

His eyes bored through the back of my head. “You—“ he started. But I wasn’t going to let him have the first word.

“Do you know this place?” I asked, refusing to turn and look at him.

Silence. At first I felt his irritation rise, but then he looked. The jolt of conflict was so sharp I whipped my head back around to look at him despite myself. His eyes- those infuriating eyes, so full of sorrow and emptiness at the same time- were looking softer than I’d seen before. A dangerous pang of hope surged through me.

“You do, don’t you,” I whispered.

“The Falcon,” he stated. His eyes returned to mine, hardening by the second. “You know my father-“

“He was a good man, Ben!” I choked suddenly, rising to face him.

“We’ve been through this before,” he said, meeting my gaze.

Han. Han was gone, and it was his fault. Him- Kylo? Ben? He just stared at me. He practiced this blank stare often, the stare he meant to hide behind. But I felt the turbulence underneath it all. His family. A touchy subject for him. But also for me. “This ship... we could have flown with him. Together. He wanted you-“

“He wanted nothing to do with me!” he cried. I fought back the urge to flinch. I’d only seen him angry like this once before, and I couldn’t tell whether it was better or worse than his usual eerily composed manner. “Every time he looked at me, he only saw the Force, the power, everything he could never admit he was afraid of!” He suddenly snapped back to a controlled calm. “You know the feeling too, don’t you. They don’t know what to think about you. You’re a liability. You’re an *other.* Your power is too much for them to handle.”

“That’s not true,” I lied, turning my head away from him. I hated that he was right. It’s their instinctive reaction, I told myself. To fear what they don’t know, to fear what’s dangerous. That didn’t mean they hated me. They were my friends. 

But they couldn’t understand, not like... not like... 

I looked back up at him. His face was soft, but expectant, in that way that I knew he thought he was making progress on me, whatever his stupid plans were. I felt the simultaneous urge to take his hand and to slap him. Instead, I just stared. He stared back. I had the sudden realization that we were standing just a little too... close.

“Why won’t you come with me?” he murmured. “I don’t understand. We could have done away with it all and ruled... together... Why would you refuse that?”

The dark side of the Force in him was steadily falling, and it its place rose genuine confusion. For a moment, I froze, afraid that if I moved, that if I said anything, I’d mess everything up. Then, my pride won out and I stepped back, tearing my eyes from his gaze. “Do you ever think about the people?”

Silence.

“You know, the People,” I sighed. “The ones who you’re ruling over. The ones you never see. The ones who are too poor to count. What about them?”

His confusion grew, but this time, it wasn’t a good sort of confusion- he was regaining some of his temper. But he still wouldn’t let it show on the surface. “What of them?” 

“How does your rule affect them, Ben?” I said. “Does it help them? Does it hurt them? Do you know?”

Staring, once more.

I met his eyes again. “Ben, the Empire, the First Order... to the people, they just mean terror, oppression, an unknown overlord from the sky that prevents them from ever feeling safe. I know because I saw it with my own eyes, every day-“

“On Jakku,” he interrupted. “When you were nothing.” It wasn’t malicious, the way he said it this time. It was simply what he had been taught. Still, I had to bite back anger.

“Ben, most of the people in this galaxy are nothing, then,” I replied. “Ben, thy can’t be nothing if they are people. You can’t neglect them if they outnumber you. They deserve something. Deserve freedom.”

“Freedom.” he repeated. 

“Freedom. The freedom to live, Ben. To live-“ I paused to collect myself, my frustration mounting. I had to be gentler to be persuasive. I couldn’t mess this up, I couldn’t let the opportunity go to get Ben Solo back. I took a step closer. “What does it mean to live, Ben, to truly live?” I searched his gaze for signs of life, his Force-self too muddled to be reliable. Why did I so desperately want him to be good? Was I imagining the light side of the Force once more, was I searching for something- a spark- that wasn’t there? “What does living mean to you?” I whispered, not knowing the answer myself. 

Suddenly, I felt a hand on the small of my back, then another on my cheek, and before my reflexes could react and I could fight back, he... kissed me. 

And I wish I could say I resisted it, or that I somehow didn’t feel all of it because he wasn’t completely there.

But I’d be lying, because as soon as his lips touched mine, I melted. I guess that’s the only way I know how to describe it. I melted to fill in every corner and crack between us, and then there was only his warm body pressed against mine, and my breathing, and the feeling of what could only be... living. Then I felt my Force sense kick in. Everything and nothing was there with us, and it was more complete, more balanced, more peaceful than I’d ever felt. Finally, his lips left mine, and we were just left to stare at each other under the darkness of our brows.

Suddenly, I noticed something moving beside me, and I started back. It was my cleaning rag, floating in the air. I whipped around, and the rag dropped, along with a table and several tools. I heard a thud on his end as well, and turned to see him standing in the middle of a small pile of debris, his face turned away from me. I looked closer at the debris. It was smoking as though he’d just chopped it to pieces with his lightsaber in a fit of passion moments before the Force had connected us. A rush of shame filled me, and I turned away as well, breathing heavily. What had I done? What was wrong with me? I knew who he was, what he’d done, and this man, he wasn’t Ben- not yet, anyway, not even close. I’d lost control. I whirled around, looking at all the damage I’d caused when I’d let my Force sense go haywire. It wasn’t good for anyone, it wasn’t right. It was dangerous. Yet why did it feel so right? 

I stole a glance back him, and saw his decision, written on his face. We’d crossed a line he’d make sure we never crossed again. He whipped out his lightsaber and slashed a line between us, leaving his shiny black floor sparking, while taking several furtive steps away from me. The Force connection faded away, and I watched as the memory of the last look on his face- one of fear, triumphing over the anger for just a brief moment- hung in the air.

“Who are you talking to?”

I practically jumped out of my skin. Finn was standing in the curve of the corridor, just within view. Great. I needed a plausible excuse, and fast. I opened my mouth, then shut it again.

“Wait, don’t tell me, was that some sort of weird Jedi thing or something?” Finn cracked a smile and eased toward me. Thank goodness- I had a way out.

I grinned. “Yeah, you don’t want to know.” 

Finn raised a hand to scratch his head. “Man, this Jedi stuff is crazy,” he laughed. Then he froze, his eyes bulging. “Not in a bad way, or anything, I just meant-“

“It’s ok, Finn, It really is... different.” I gave him a friendly hug to shut him up, and he gladly relaxed into it. He didn’t know what those very words meant, how could he? For a moment, I felt the Force bond ready to open up once more, but I pushed it closed.

******

_You need to stop thinking about her. Let the past die, you said. She is now the past._

I paced down the launchpad of the star destroyer- my star destroyer, lest anyone forget- reminding myself with every stride. She was on my mind far too much. I couldn’t turn her, that was certain now, but I felt the shame growing every time I let it back into my mind, what I did. I- I kissed her. And her lips, they almost turned me.

_Would that be such a bad thing? _the rebellious voice in my mind tempted.__

__

I shook my head with vicious determination. That weakness- it would try to take away what I built. I stopped in my tracks to look around me. Those troopers? They were mine. The TIE fighters? Mine as well. Those praetorian guards? Now that one, that felt sweet. They were mine now, mine because I was the Supreme Leader, not Snoke. I killed him. He and all his orders and threats and humiliating words and... well... I shook my head again. I didn’t want to think about Snoke either. I turned and resumed my march across the hangar. All these memories- they were poison. I couldn’t dwell on them. Because every time I did, all the power in the world couldn’t protect me from the emptiness, the fear, the... loneliness.

__

You are not alone. That’s what I’d said to her. Then I’d left her alone. And here I was, surrounded by an empire that was mine to command, and I’d never felt more alone myself.

__

I whipped my head around, seething at myself. I needed to find something to destroy. It quieted the voices in my head for a short time, at least. Made me feel in control.

__

Suddenly, I felt the familiar tug of the Force bond. I gritted my teeth. _Not now, not now_... I stopped walking and leaned against the wall, hunched forward, to fight it off, like I’d been doing for the past... I didn’t know how long, now. It just kept happening. I clenched my fist in concentration. Damn that stupid Force.

__

“Ben Solo!” a voice bellowed from behind me.

__

How. Dare. They. With a cry of rage, I slammed the Force bond shut and whipped around to throttle the perpetrator, but I felt my anger quickly rush out of me when I saw.

__

It was General Hux- but he was not alone. I was surrounded by more stormtroopers than I could count- probably three or four whole squadrons. I realized, with dread, that this was an assassination attempt. I must have been struggling against that Force bond for longer than I’d thought. How could I have been so stupid? Fear rose up all at once, but I kicked it back down. _Survey the situation before a fight,_ the voice of one of my masters echoed in my mind. One of the masters I hated. Usually, I’d have been angry, but somehow, I now felt strangely calm.

__

“General,” I stated. “You seem to have an interesting idea of what following the orders of your Supreme Leader means.” Praetorian guards. Where were they?

__

“You were never my Supreme Leader,” Hux sneered. “No. You’re too weak to lead the First Order. You’re your father’s son.” Hux was still keeping his distance, presumably because he didn’t want to be Force-choked. And what was behind him? No—my praetorian guards. This wasn’t just Hux. He’d organized a coup. The traitor. I’d known him for a long time, but I’d never thought it would come to this. We’d been allies. We’d faced an angry Snoke in times of failure together. Except, I realized, it all made sense. Hux had always hungered for power. I remembered when his father seemed to have mysteriously disappeared. Snoke praised Hux for his assumptions of his fathers’ duties, but Hux... he must have been behind it all the whole time. This was how he operated. And I’d been too blind to see it. I truly was alone. As I scanned the forces arrayed in front of me, I realized that this might be the end. I might not make it out of this. I should have been afraid. But instead, I simply felt a chilling sensation of emptiness.

__

I needed to keep talking, to buy time. “The father that I killed?” I replied. My voice sounded hollow. “Or did you forget what I sacrificed for the First Order?”

__

“A sacrifice? Purging weakness is no sacrifice, it is progress,” Hux retorted. “Perhaps yours is the faulty memory.”

__

“Oh, I think not,” I said. “The Empire had Darth Vader to support it. The First Order has me. Without the Force, how do you expect the First Order to survive?” The Force. I could find an object to use as a weapon from afar to clear out an escape path to my side. Like... that pole. I surveyed its size. Yes, it was a little large, but I could do it.

__

“Well, I seem to recall,” Hux drawled, “that the Empire fell. I even seem to remember hearing that Darth Vader himself succumbed to weakness, to the light side of the Force.” Hux paused for dramatic effect. “The First Order is not the Empire. We do not need the silly religion of your precious idol to keep us together. What we need is loyalty-“ he took a couple steps forward- “and we have reason to believe you are not as loyal to us as you claim. There have been rumors-“ Hux grinned- “that you have been cavorting, conspiring with the young Jedi. No, perhaps there’s a better word. How about- _kissing._ ”

__

Rey. He saw me with her, he saw us, he saw my weakness. Suddenly, I felt as though the floor had dropped out from underneath me, and all of my escape plans with it. I stumbled back, my mind blank.

__

Hux took a couple more steps forward, basking in his victory. “Rey- that’s her name, isn’t it? Yes, that’s the one. The one you said killed Supreme Leader Snoke. But that wasn’t all true, was it? It was you as well- and thus you traded an era of strength for one of failure. In the time you’ve ruled, you got distracted, and you let the Resistance get away. Or were you just- protecting your little girlfriend? Well, we’ll take care of that, as soon as we’re done with you. The First Order shall not rest until the last Jedi is gone- and that includes you, Solo.”

__

_Rey,_ my mind spluttered. _Rey Rey Rey Rey._

__

Hux, satisfied that he’d broken me, stared down at me for just a moment longer before he turned back to his men. “Kill him,” he said.

__

It felt as though the Force simply took over. I felt my lightsaber ignite beside me. I watched the blasters all turn to face me. And then the world began to move.

__

My lightsaber flashed back and forth before my eyes, blocking a round of blaster fire. Then the world turned as I rolled to slash at the nearest stormtrooper. My instincts, my training were good. They would keep me alive- for a short time, at least. I was glad I had them. At least I could trust something about myself, if not my treacherous mind.

__

I whirled and darted from trooper to trooper, aiming for quick kills and slicing their blasters so they couldn't be salvaged. The Force thrummed through my heart and out to the spinning world around me, betraying even the smallest of movements, even my own breath. In. Out. In. Out. In- what was that behind me?

__

I grabbed a stormtrooper and spun around with it in front of me to shield myself as a round of blaster fire rained down on me. An admiral with a blaster was standing at the top of the wall I’d been cornered against. Damn it- he had a good vantage point, and I had no time to Force choke him, lest I get killed by one of these troopers. I threw the now- dead trooper to the ground and ducked, sweeping my lightsaber around to kill the troopers on either side of me, then used the momentum to turn and plunge the saber through the heart of the one behind me. I kept my Force-sense peeled on the admiral. He was about to fire again.

__

Suddenly, I felt a dart of pain shoot through my leg. I snapped my head around to survey the damage. Clean, sparking entry and exit wounds? It was the admiral’s blaster fire. I bellowed in rage, Force-lifted the admiral, and threw him down the wall. Twenty-foot drop, maybe? That should do the trick.

__

Just then, I felt another blaster shot pierce through my back. Stupid, stupid, I was. I was surrounded. I couldn’t afford to turn my back on the enemy. Turing again, I Force-slammed the offending stormtrooper into another beside it before falling unceremoniously to my knees. My bad leg. And the other shot- I was pretty sure it had pierced my lungs. I took a deep, painful breath in and staggered to my feet, keeping my lightsaber at the ready in front of me. The stormtroopers has formed a clean line again, but they weren’t firing anymore. I used my peripheral vision to look around me. I was standing in front of a large pile of bodies I’d dispatched- that must have been the reason for their hesitation. Ordinarily, I’d have been angry at their incompetence, but now, I was just—grateful was not the word. I was becoming more and more certain that I was going to die here. Perhaps the feeling was of sympathy, sympathy for their humanity.

__

“Fools, what are you waiting for?” Hux’s voice soared over the crowd. “Attack!”

__

As I launched into the fray once more, the pain threaten to overwhelm my senses for a brief moment before I batted it down. I was getting more and more exhausted by the second, so I guess that’s why my mental guard broke down and the rebellious little voice in my head began to speak once more.

__

Slash. _Maybe you deserve this._ Jab. _After all, you killed your own father._ Spin. Stab. _Remember when she called you a monster, and you agreed? You know what you’ve done. The world would be better off without you._ Slash. Kick. Roll. Jab. The world became a blur of stormtrooper helmets, and blood, and pain, and the glow of my lightsaber as it cut an arc of destruction through the sea of white armor. _See what you’ve done. All you’re good for is killing, is destroying things, instead of building them up. And to what end? You’re still surrounded._ The corner of my eye caught another stormtrooper platoon, racing to join the fray. They’d keep coming at me until I was dead. _Maybe now is where you give up. Let your reign of terror end._

__

Suddenly, the loading docks next to the outside entrance exploded. The fighting came to an abrupt halt, and for a moment, the entire room was quiet, waiting for the smoke to clear.

__

Then, in flew- the Millennium Falcon, and in it, I could feel her presence. _Rey._ She shouldn’t be here- she couldn’t be here. I thought I’d closed the Force bond. It wasn’t possible.

__

Rey opened fire on the stormtroopers close to her, setting off yet another round of explosions. I should have been taking the opportunity to catch some troopers off guard, but—Rey couldn’t keep this up. Hux would soon have TIE fighters swoop in behind her, and canons brought in, and—

__

My side erupted in pain. A blaster shot—I’d let my guard down for too long. I Force-slammed the perpetrator to the ground before doubling over in pain. It wouldn’t be long before I lost consciousness. _Rey. Get out of here, before it’s too late._ But instead, the Millennium Falcon swooped in closer and landed, knocking me to the ground. From the corner of my eye, Rey appeared, blue lightsaber ablaze, cutting a path to me. _No. Get out of here, they’ll kill you._ But Rey kept coming, and before long, I felt her hands lift me up. The stormtroopers around us erupted in flames, and then we were climbing the steps of the Millennium Falcon, the door closing behind us, the door she’d once closed on me, as the world faded to black.

__

*****

__

It had been hours, and he still hadn’t woken up. I couldn’t explain my absence to the Resistance for much longer. It would have been too short a hyperspace jump back to the base, so instead, Chewie and I had chosen to jump somewhere in the middle of nowhere. After all, we couldn’t know until he woke up. If we’d done the right thing for the galaxy. If Ben Solo was coming home.

__

“Mweeeehhhhh.” Chewie moaned.

__

“Yes, I know, alright? We are going to look suspicious, either way. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” I glanced over my shoulder at the med bay. He still hadn’t stirred.

__

“Mwehhhh.”

__

“You’re right,” I sighed. “Han would have done the same thing.” But he had died for it. Would this be any different? I remembered how Ben had said he didn’t hate his father. But that he’d also felt abandoned, and… he had killed him. There was a lot of anger in him, anger he rarely showed to me, but anger all the same. I resisted the urge to peer inside his mind.

__

Chewie got up with a groan and lowered himself through a trapdoor, probably to check the hyperdrive. I guess we both dealt with uncertainty the same way—fixing the ship.

__

Suddenly, I felt it. He was awake. I rushed towards the med bay just in time to see him start in a panic and roll over on his injured side. A wave of pain coursed through me, and I staggered, clutching at the wall. “Ben. BEN. Listen to me. You’re hurt. You need to rest. Ben-“

__

He finished sitting up and stared at me. The pain subsided, and I pushed back from the wall in relief, head bowed, focusing on my breathing.

__

“Why am I here.” Matter-of-fact. Unreadable. Maybe he didn’t remember.

__

“You were attacked,” I said. “You’re safe now. You should—“

__

“I know what happened,” he interrupted. “You came and you brought me here. Why.” I turned to look at him. He wasn’t covered in his blanket anymore. Embarrassed, I settled on his face. It was blank, masking the swirling conflict underneath, as always.

__

“Because you needed rescuing,” I said. _Because… because…_ Perhaps I didn’t know the real reason myself.

__

“How,” he said. “You shouldn’t have been there.” He struggled to prop himself up more and failed, falling back to the bed. I rushed towards him, feeling the pain surge through me, and caught him. His chest heaved from the effort to breathe. Breathless, I slowly laid him back down on the bed. He closed his eyes briefly, pushing back his pain, most likely, before turning back to stare at me. _I asked you a question,_ his eyes said.

__

I looked away. I didn’t want to tell him, but… I sighed. “I felt it,” I whispered. “When they… hurt you. It hurt me, too.” My eyes were starting to water. What was wrong with me?

__

“So you feel-“

__

“Yes.” I risked a glimpse of his face. He was looking at me with concern. I bit my lip. I’d never liked being looked at that way, like I needed help, like I was a victim.

__

I cleared my throat and started down the hallway. “You’ll need sustenance. You need to stay here while I go get Chewie—”

__

“Chewbacca?” Ben sat up, setting off another wave of pain. I clutched at the wall and turned back to look at him. Fear. He was afraid of Chewie. I let myself smirk slightly.

__

“Don’t worry,” I said. “He’ll be mad, but he won’t kill you. At least—I don’t think.” I made a motion to depart again, but then Ben tried to stand up. I staggered.

__

“You don’t understand,” he whispered. “He always hated me. Please. Please don’t.”

__

I made a show of folding my arms. “Alright. But only if you _lie down—_ ”

__

“Mweeeeeeeeeeeeehhh!” Chewie roared from behind me.

__

Ben froze, before he seemed to remember himself and started reaching for something... he was looking for his lightsaber. I bit back a chuckle. We’d confiscated that.

__

Chewie lumbered toward Ben before stopping, giving him a two-foot berth. If Ben really knew Chewie, he’d know that meant the wookie had no intention of throttling him—if he did, he would have done it first. But Ben instead sat back down and backed away slowly. I’d never seen him this scared, and maybe I should have been sympathetic, but… this was too good.

__

“Mweehh,” Chewie said.

__

Ben’s eyes darted toward me, perhaps looking for a translation. “He’s asking you why,” I said quietly.

Ben’s eyes flitted back to Chewie as he sank down even lower. “I—I…”

“Mweeeehhhhhhh!” Chewie insisted.

Ben lowered his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. When he looked back up, pain had filled his eyes. He meant it. For the first time since the throne room with Snoke, I felt the light side winning out in him. Chewie must have felt it, too, because he turned and trudged dejectedly away. Ben heaved a sigh of relief.

I walked slowly back toward him, as though I’d scare the light away if I made a sudden move. We exchanged looks in silence. He seemed almost embarrassed, but at least the blank mask he usually wore was gone.

After a pause, he tore his gaze away. “You didn’t have to look so triumphant about it,” he muttered.

“About what—” I started to protest. I didn’t mean to—what if that put his guard back up? I sighed. “I’m sorry.” I lowered my head.

Silence. Then, he started to speak again. “He tried to teach me how to fly this ship, when I was a child.” He stared blankly into the distance. “It was his most prized possession. You could see it in his eyes every time he bragged about the Kessel Run, or when he talked about Lando blowing up the Death Star, or even just when he showed me where the compressor was. He loved it. Perhaps too much.” Ben gave me a furtive glance. “I started to wonder if he loved it more than he loved me. If he’d rather be halfway across the galaxy, fleeing from someone he’d cheated out of money, than be there with me.”

I wanted to protest, but he was partly right. Han lived for that adventure. But I’d seen the way he looked at his son, right before… I swallowed.

Ben’s eyes hardened. “At least he had this ship. I—now I have nothing. He glared at something off in the distance. “Hux took it all away from me.”

“No, you don’t have nothing, you have us.” I sat on the bed next to him and grabbed his hand. At first, he almost recoiled, but then I felt his hand gradually relax into mine. It was cold. I lifted my chin to meet his eyes. They were clouded. The conflict was raging again, underneath the surface.

“No,” he murmured. “I could never. Not really.” There was that vulnerability again, that look… he was lost. He needed a home. I squeezed his hand. “That’s not true,” I told him.

He pulled away. “I know what you want me to do, Rey, and I can’t,” he said. “You want me to join the Resistance. You know they’d never accept me.”

“They would if they saw you as I do,” I choked. He snapped his head back around to look at me, almost surprised. “Please, Ben.”

“That’s not my name,” he said. I felt a pang in my gut. No. Not now, not after all the progress I’d made. “I don’t deserve it. Not after what I’ve done,” he whispered.

“It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, but how you proceed,” I urged. “Let the past die… remember?” I was going to lose him. I felt the desperation rise and clog my throat.

“I was a fool to believe that,” he reflected. “I’m worse at that than anyone.” He rose gingerly, and I rose to meet him. I couldn’t feel his pain, this time. I could only feel the despair that was taking hold in his mind. “I need to leave,” he announced.

“No,” I protested, shaking my head. Wasn’t I enough to turn him? Why wouldn’t he stay with me? “Please—”

“Rey,” he murmured. “Let me go.”

“No.” Then, before I knew what I was doing, I was kissing him again, drawing him as close to me as I possibly could, before he was taken away from me. I felt him respond. I knew he felt the same way. But too soon, he pulled away. “Goodbye, Rey,” he said. And for a moment, he smiled.

*****

We dropped him off at Moss Eisley. He wanted to see Tatooine, he said. Where it all started. I watched his figure recede off into the horizon of sand.

“Mweehhhhh,” Chewie said.

I smiled ruefully, “Yes, he did,” I replied. “He left his lightsaber behind.”

__


End file.
